Halloween

This will be my last post to this blog... life is so much "Fuller" for us now, so we will be changing sites, but we had another great Halloween! We went to a pumpkin patch in mid October, and carved pumpkins for FHE just before Halloween. The girls loved both activities. There was a petting zoo at the pumpkin patch that Holly really enjoyed, and Alyssa got to do some sky high jumping on a bungee trampoline attraction, she loved it!

Holly chose to be a fairy this year, and Alyssa a ladybug. They've already told me what they want to be for next year....we'll see if they remember, or if they'll change their minds 30 times in the interim, I'm guessing the latter. Happy Halloween everyone!!!

Tigers

Alyssa and Holly decided they wanted to play soccer this year. They met their coach and team a few weeks ago and got their little uniforms. Orange and black wasn't their first choice, but since Ben's favorite color is orange, they're okay with it.

Their first game was a few weeks ago, and as a team, they decided to call themselves Tigers. These sweet little kids were so much fun to watch. Their coordination was obviously just beginning to develop. Watching them trying to kick the ball and run at the same time was pretty entertaining, but also a little frustrating for all of us impatient adults. Before the actual game they did warmups and drills for a half hour. Then they played 3 on 3 for the final 30 minutes. It was a complete mess, really. They hadn't really grasped the concept of kicking the ball into the goal. They would kick the ball down field past the goal and then just keep right on going. So much fun!

The second game was much better, I think the idea that they're supposed to get the ball into the goal finally registered. Both Alyssa and Holly scored goals this time. It was fun to see their bright smiles when they scored, you could tell that they felt a sense of pride in their accomplishment. One time Holly came running back as fast as she could and yelled out, "mom, I scored a goal!"

Summertime

Where did the summer go? Since the girls were in preschool for 10 weeks it felt like a very short summer, but we had some fun times!

To start it off, the girls went to Shreveport with their daddy for a week. I was ecstatic to have a week off. It had been 2 1/2 years since I had been on a real vacation (without my girls), so it was definitely time for a little rest and relaxation! I ended up doing a road trip through Mexico with some friends, and had the time of my life. It wasn't nearly as relaxing as I would have liked, but I laughed and enjoyed my time off tremendously!

I already wrote about Lagoon, which was one of the highlights of our summer, but we also went to This is the Place Heritage Park, which the girls loved, the Discovery Gateway, Thanksgiving Point, the Tree house Museum, Classic Skating, Kangaroo Zoo, the Davis County Fair, the swimming pool a bazillion times, some fun movies, and of course spent plenty of time at various parks around Davis County.

After preschool got out we made a special trip to visit my brother David and his family in California. The girls love their cousins (and their rats), and had a wonderful time playing at the beach, and at the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park. We also visited Queen Califia's Garden, which is a very unique mosaic art display in Escondido, California.

To end the summer the girls spent Labor Day weekend at Lake Mead with their dad, and then went with Ben and I to Zion's National Park where they went on their first hike.

We are so blessed with so many wonderful opportunities!

Spanish Immersion Preschool

One of the goals I've had since my girls were born is to teach them to speak Spanish. I have to admit, that with all the chaos and changes in my life over the past couple years, teaching them Spanish dropped to the bottom of my priority list, and I've kinda felt like a failure. So last spring I started searching online for a Spanish immersion preschool to help me get back on track, and I found one. Unfortunately, the closest one was in Salt Lake City, and was much more expensive than I was hoping, but they offered a 10 week summer program that I felt I could afford. I decided to enroll the girls with the hope that they would get a solid Spanish base and it would motivate me to recommit to my goal. I know that the best time to teach children a second language is before they are 7, so I need to get refocused! The girls went to class 3 days a week for 3 hours and learned a lot. Now I just need to keep the ball rolling, and make sure that I don't let this opportunity pass us by.

Single life post divorce

I know, I know, I'm a pro, right? Done it twice, haha.

The first time around I was actually quite excited about being single after my divorce. I figured there would be a wide selection of charming, handsome, intelligent, wonderful guys to choose from, and that dating again might be a fun adventure. Maybe I should have checked out the selection before I signed up! I'm extremely picky, I admit, so finding what I was looking for turned out to be a lot more difficult than I initially thought it would be. Where does a single mother of 2 two-year-olds go to meet these fantastic guys, the ones I had conjured up in my mind? I must have been delusional..why was I thinking there would be a lot of great guys available, and why would I assume that these hawt, awesome guys would want a thirty-something year old with kids, when they had their choice of a wide selection of beautiful younger girls without kids.

There I was, a 33 year old stay-at-home mom trying to find the man of my dreams, while stuck in my dumpy apartment all day. Since I wasn't working outside the home, the only places I frequented on a regular basis were the park, and the grocery store. How many single guys hang out at the park? And how many guys at the supermarket would hit on a chic with 2 two-year-olds??? And if he did, wouldn't that instantly mark him as insane and/or desperate?

I was in a predicament, how was I going to find Mr. right? What were my options? I knew that Heavenly Father was watching out for me and that if I had faith he could find me someone wonderful, but I also knew that I had to do my part. I had heard a little about online dating, but had labeled it my "last resort". Feeling pretty hopeless in my situation, not knowing where else to turn, my last resort became my only viable option, and wow was it an eye-opening experience.

Online dating is an entity unto itself. You have to experience it to truly understand. At first you might feel a little giddy about the prospects. You create a "handle," upload pictures, and write all about yourself, in an attempt to attract your "perfect match." Then you send your profile out into the world of singles and watch the system work it's magic. I could go on and on about the crazy online dating experiences I've had, but I'll save that for another time...I'll just say, it would make an extremely funny sitcom!

My second go-around I found that online dating wasn't actually my only option. I got some advice from a veteran in the singles community, and got involved. I was soon playing volleyball with other singles, going to parties, dances, and firesides. I was welcomed in with open arms, and really enjoyed getting to know others who were in my same predicament. I felt like I had found a family who completely understood where I was coming from and where I hoped to eventually be. I was meeting great people, but was feeling very underwhelmed by the guys I was meeting. There really wasn't anyone even in the same ballpark as what I was looking for. But I committed to continue to put myself in positions where I would have the opportunity to meet someone, and continued praying and having faith that God would provide. I think that's the key...do all you can do, and He will do the rest.

Limitations

After my sprint-triathlon in the spring I decided my next challenge would be to run a 1/2 marathon. I had always told myself that I could never be a long-distance runner. That I just wasn't made for endurance running. I had put a limitation on myself that I wanted to challenge. So, I picked a race, the Top of Utah Half-Marathon, registered and started training. I invited my friend Amber to do it with me and she agreed. Training was going well, but due to other events in my life, I realized that I was going to have a scheduling conflict that day. So, about a week ago Amber and I decided we would run the course together before the actual race. We agreed that yesterday would work best for both of us.

My training recommended that I get in one final long run a week before the race and then taper down. So last Monday I ran 10 miles. It was the worst run of my life. I have always had a little pain in my IT band, but that night, for whatever reason, my left knee wasn't cooperating at all. At about mile 5 I was in serious pain, but I wouldn't allow myself to stop, I wanted to run the full 10 miles. I pushed through the pain, and about the last mile and a half I was nearly in tears. It was excruciatingly painful. I hardly slept at all that night, and even a few days later my knee was still hurting. I decided to go back out on Thursday for a short run, but after a mile I had to walk. I didn't think there was any way I would be able to run the half-marathon the next Monday. I decided I would just rest it and give it my all on "race day."

Well, Monday came and I hardly slept at all the night before. I probably got about 2 hours of sleep. I got up at 5:30 to meet Amber at 6:00, but on the way to meet her I got pulled over for speeding. Luckily I got off without a ticket. Then we drove up to Providence, just outside of Logan, and made our way to the starting line, and started running. Things were okay for about the first mile, but then the pain started. I had talked to a physical therapist a few days before, who had recommended stretching my IT band more, so at mile 2 I decided to stop and stretch it, to see if that would help. It did, for about a half mile, but then the pain came back, so I stopped at mile 3 and stretched it again. At that point I didn't think there was any way I would be able to finish all 13.1 miles. But that became my pattern. I would run a mile, then stop to stretch for one minute, and commit to another mile of agony. I was making good time while I was running, about a 9 minute mile, so with the minute of stretching each mile, I was still on track to meet my goal of finishing under 2:10. It was definitely an exercise of mind over matter. By mile 11 I was still on track to make my goal. That's when things went from bad to worse. I took a wrong turn somewhere. When we started going through a neighborhood I realized I hadn't payed very good attention to the map. I was lost. I just kept running. I ended up taking three wrong turns, and adding over a mile to the race before I finally stopped and asked a nice woman for directions. I ended up finishing in 2:24. I must have ran closer to 14.5 miles.

My first thought was, I need a redo! On a good day,without knee pain, or the extra detour, I bet I could have run it in close to 2 hours. After thinking about it a little more, I changed my mind. I'm glad I did it, but I should just cross it off the list, and know that my self-imposed limitation no longer exists. Once again I believe, more strongly than ever, that I can do anything I put my mind to. As long as I am willing to put forth the effort, there is pretty much nothing I can't accomplish.

Enough is Enough

Poor Alyssa! If it isn't one thing, it's another. Earlier in her young life Alyssa had to deal with ear infection after ear infection. On one occasion, when she was very little, I held her in my arms the entire night. Each time she fell asleep I tried to lay her down next to me, so I could get some rest, and she would wake up instantly crying. It was obviously very painful for her. We had tubes put in her ears and she did better for a while, but soon the tubes fell out and things got worse again. After another set of tubes, and the removal of her adenoids, things improved. This past year we have gone from ear infections to strep throat. In the past 4 months alone she's had strep 4 times. Enough is enough, we finally decided to have her tonsils removed, so on Friday Alyssa had a tonsillectomy. Hopefully she will finally be able to go more than a month without having to see the doctor! One thing we have noticed is that she is sleeping much more soundly. She doesn't snore anymore, and doesn't toss and turn all night long. I used to say she slept like Taz, the tasmanian devil, but not anymore!

I See Sam

For the record: Alyssa and Holly both successfully read thier first book, "I See Sam" on July 10th. Hopefully this is just the beginning of a healthy love of reading for my darling angels!

Lagoon

The girls have been begging me to take them to Lagoon for a year now. Every time we drove past it on our way to preschool they would yell out "Lagoon" and then ask when we were going. Well, I finally took them, and we had a spectacular time! I told them before we left, that if they whined or cried we would go straight home. I figured by the evening they would be tired and start to fuss and then we'd go ....but the hours kept passing and they were still good as gold, so we stayed til the park closed. We were there over 12 hours! I'm so proud of my darling little angels, who are beautiful, fun, smart, and sweet as can be!

Free at Last!

After my divorce to James I found myself caught in a vicious cycle. For whatever reason, i repeatedly went back to him. Things would be good for a few weeks, but then the same problems and issues from our marriage would arise and we would break up. This went on for 8 long months. Each time we broke up was very painful, yet i kept submitting myself to being hurt over and over again. As I've thought about this I've come to realize that it was fear that was taking me back to him. Fear of the unknown, fear of being single for the rest of my life, fear that I wouldn't find anyone as good as him etc. What I was lacking all along was faith. My patriarchal blessing says that the Lord will sustain me in any righteous desire of my heart...if I will abide by the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Well, I'm doing my best to live the gospel, and the Lord knows the righteous desires of my heart, so now I just have to be patient, and watch the Lord work his miracles. I'm finally free from fear...faith has made me free at last!

Missionary Opportunity

Last fall I had the opportunity to reconnect with a friend that I've known since the 3rd grade. We went for a hike and had a fun conversation reminiscing about the past and our youth. I don't remember how we got on the subject, but somehow the conversation turned to religion. My friend had been raised Catholic, but all of his friends growing up had been LDS, so I asked him his opinion about the church. He said that he had great respect for Mormons and especially for the emphasis we place on families. I felt strongly that I should invite him to learn more about the church, but I kinda fought the impression. After wrestling with it a little I finally succumbed and asked if he had a Book of Mormon and if he'd be interested in learning more. He said yes. A few days later I gave him a copy of the Book of Mormon, and Our Search for Happiness, and asked him to read them. We sat and talked for a long time and he asked me a lot of questions. It was fun to share my testimony and explain different things to him about the church, especially about Joseph Smith and the Atonement. I invited him to come to church with me and he came several times, and then things in my life got a little crazy, so i didn't see him for awhile. A few months later I got a text from him...it said, "I want to get baptized." I was so excited. I called the missionaries and scheduled a time for them to meet my friend. It was great to have the missionaries in the home and to be able to participate in the discussions. It was also great when I got to see my friend baptized on April 24th. I love sharing the gospel with others. I hope he will progress and be able to reap all the blessings that come from living the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

A teaching moment

Every year on Flag day our neighborhood has a flag day parade. All of the kids from the neighborhood gather together with their bikes, or scooters and decorate them in red, white, and blue and then parade them through the neighborhood. One of the men in the ward is a fireman and he brings a fire truck and honks the horn, and sprays water, and the kids all love it. Well, my kids were very excited about being able to ride their bikes (with training wheels) in the parade this year. We got to the starting point, decorated their bikes and then followed behind the fire truck as the parade started. The first portion of the route is uphill, so I ended up pushing both of them for most of it and we got pretty far behind most of the other kids. Finally, we got to the top of the hill and onto a flatter portion of the route. The girls took off, seemed to be having fun, and I lagged behind on foot. The route started a downhill portion and my girls were getting farther and farther ahead of me, and then they were supposed to turn into a cul-de-sac to turn around. As they were making the turn...they both biffed it!!! Alyssa was bawling, Holly was sprawled out in the middle of the street, and there I was running to get to them as fast as I could. Holly shook it off pretty good, got back on her bike and caught up with the other kids. Alyssa, however, didn't recover so quickly. Both of her knees were pretty scraped up and she was crying pretty hard. I somehow persuaded her to get back on her bike and held her hand as we tried to catch up with the parade. We finally arrived at the finish and enjoyed a yummy meal.

Later that night as we were sitting on the couch for scripture time, Alyssa looked at me kinda sad and said, "mommy, I was the slowest one tonight." I could tell she felt sad, embarrased and humble...which provided me with a wonderful opportunity to teach her. I told her that it doesn't matter how slow she is, or if she falls off her bike, that it's not important to be first or to win, but what matters most is that she gets back up each time she falls, and keeps trying until she finishes. I told her how proud I was of her that she kept trying and finished. Then I asked her what mattered most and she said, "that I always keep trying." It was a very sweet teaching moment.

Fish fiasco

A few months ago the girls each brought home a goldfish from primary. Each child in the class had been given a fish, but most of the other kids fish died within the first few weeks of recieving them. I was taking great pride in the fact that our fish had outlasted the others. Well, on Mother's Day my sister came for a visit. I was upstairs chatting away with Angie while Jade and Whitaker went down to play with Alyssa and Holly. At one point we noticed that things were awfully quiet downstairs, never a good sign with kids, but we just continued with our enjoyable conversation. After a time we decided it was time to go check on the kids. I quickly noticed that something wasn't quite right. The kids had dumped out a large bin, previously full of ring pops, and had dumped both fish into the larger bin. As I was putting them back in their separate jars I noticed that the fish weren't acting quite right...to make a long story short...After being tortured and traumatized by 8 tiny little hands, goldy fish gave up her will to live. She is survived by her best friend Whitie, who underwent the same traumatic experience but somehow courageously survived the ordeal.

The next morning when the kids got up I informed them of our loss. We took Goldie into the bathroom and stood around the toilet. Alyssa looked at Holly and said, "You have to say something nice and then say goodbye." Without muttering a word, Holly dumped Goldie into the toilet and flushed. Alyssa immediately ran to the couch, pulled her blanky over her head and bawled.

I am happy to report, however, that Whitie is still alive and has outlived all the other fish in the class.

My First Sprint Triathlon

About a year ago, my then husband, James got me into running. He bought me a pair of running shoes and convinced me to run a 5k with him. At first, I absolutely hated running, but I had been told that if I just kept at it, I would like it more and more. Well, I kept at it, and after my divorce last fall i needed a distraction. I needed something to focus my attention on...to help take away the lonliness and pain. So, last December, I registered for the Women of Steel Sprint Triathlon. I also got my sisters to sign up with me. I spent the winter months at the gym running and training on a stationary bike, with occasional visits to the pool. The running did seem to be getting easier and easier, and the biking was okay too, but I found that I am definitely not a swimmer. I asked David to help me figure out how to breath better in the water, but to no avail. I gave up trying to learn to crawl, and decided I would backstroke/sidestroke the 300m for the race. Well, I trained and trained at the gym and as the weather started to warm up I decided I better buy a bike...since I didn't have one and hadn't ridden a real one since I was about 12. I couldn't believe how expensive road bikes are, and about 3 weeks before the race I ended up getting a bike that weighed a little more but cost a little less than the others. After my first time out on the bike I realized that I hadn't been putting nearly enough resistance on the stationary bike at the gym, so I got a little nervous that maybe I wouldn't do so well come race day. I wanted to get out and ride as much as possible, but due to the weather i only ended up riding my bike about 5 times before the actual triathlon.

Well, race day arrived and I hardly slept at all the night before. I was excited and nervous! I woke up early, and Tara, Angie and I made our way to the venue. When we arrived it was 39 degrees outside and raining, and we thought they might cancel the event. We soon found out that the triathlon was being modified. They were canceling the swim, but adding a mile run to the beginning of the race. So it became a run/bike/run event. That was somewhat of a relief, since swimming was my weakest leg, but at the same time, I kinda felt jipped...because then it didn't seem like a real triathlon. Well at 8:00 the race started. I wanted to pace myself and not exert too much energy up front, so I went at a decent pace for the first mile. I had a very quick transition (the fastest transition time in my age group) and started the bike portion. Near the beginning and halfway through the bike there was a large hill and it was tough. I had to dig deep and just keep on peddling, but I made it through. It was also freezing on the bike. By the time I got off, I couldn't feel my fingers. As I made my way into the transition area and tried to take off my helmet, my hands wouldn't function. After tugging and pulling trying to get it off on my own, I finally asked another girl to help me undo the strap. Then I was on to the final leg, the 5k run. I was feeling good. Again we had to run the same hill from the bike leg of the race, and the going was slow, but I was able to make up for it on the downhill side. I finished in 1:24:24, which was just 13 minutes behind the winner in my age group. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment! I was also so excited for Tara and Angie. Hopefully we will all be able to do another one next year, but this time with Jenny and Julie too!!!

The sad part though, was that I didn't have anyone to share my accomplishment with. It seemed like everyone there had someone to cheer them on...but I felt so alone. Hopefully in the future there will be someone waiting for me at the finish line to share in my excitement.

Holly had a Birthday!

My baby is 4 years old!!! She's growing up so fast and sweeter than ever! What a great birthday! Grandma and Grandpa gave Holly a new Hello Kitty bike...which she said is a "cool" gift. She got to see her birth parents a few days before and spend time with them at Kangaroo Zoo! We went to Chuck E Cheese and played fun games, and then had a fun family birthday party. One of the highlights of the party was the piñata...usually it takes one of the bigger kids to break it..but this time Holly did it herself! The other kids were a little disappointed that they didn't even get a turn, so David held it up and let them whack it. Holly also loved her cake! She really wanted a doggy cake with pink ice cream, so that's what she got! Happy Birthday Holly!

Disney on Ice

March 13, 2010. We had a wonderful time at Disney on Ice.

Wonder of Wonders

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not like most veggies. There is just something about the taste, smell, and often the texture that makes me want to gag! I do not eat them on a train or in a plane or in the rain. I do not eat them here or there, I do not eat them anywhere, lol. That's why it's a wonder to me that my kids LOVE vegetables! If I were to give Holly the choice between ice cream and raw carrots with ranch, she would pick the carrots 9 times out of 10. Alyssa is the same. We had pizza and cake for her birthday, but all Alyssa wanted to eat were the cherry tomatos. It's completely bizarre yet incredibly wonderful to me! I was making dinner the other night and asked the girls if they would prefer applesauce or mixed vegetables with their meal. As if I had prompted them to do so, they started chanting...veggies, veggies, veggies, while pumping their fists in the air. It was so cute, and unexpected. I quickly grabbed the video camera and was able to partially recreate the moment. I love that my kids love vegetables!

Book Club

One of the things I look forward to most each month is Book Club! I love to read, and the books that we've read have been inspiring, intriguing, and have provided me with hours of entertainment and escape. What I love the most, however, is the opportunity to share opinions, ideas and friendship with such a wonderful group of women!

One Brilliant Morning

When I was on my mission I often read the conference talks in the Ensign. One talk, in particular, really touched me and I am reminded of it today. It was given by Boyd K. Packer in October of 1995 and described the feelings of one of the surviving members of the Donner Party, who spent a ferocious winter trapped in the snowdrifts below the summit of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. He had survived days and weeks and months of starvation and indescribable suffering. Years later he said that although most of the incidents were gone from his memory, he would never forget the first morning after his rescue. It was a beautiful spring morning. The birds were singing, the grass was green, and that cold, brutal, dark winter had been replaced with one brilliant morning.

As I think of this story I imagine a young man standing at the foot of a great mountain range on a beautiful spring morning, feeling the warmth of the sunlight on his face for the first time in months. He may have stood there in shocked disbelief that he had survived the horrifying ordeal. I can almost feel the tension of months of fear being replaced with peace and hope.

I've described the past few years of my life as mostly dark and cold, interspersed with moments of peace and joy. But lately, I'm finding that the moments of warmth, happiness and peace are becoming more and more frequent. Maybe it's the dawning of a new season for me!

Alyssa's 4!

Wow, I cannot believe my Alyssa is 4 years old!!! She's growing up way too fast...but she's promised me that she will never be too big to cuddle with me. We had a fun day yesterday. In the morning Alyssa's cousins Jade and Whitaker came over to play. In the afternoon the three of us (Alyssa, Holly and I) went to Chuck E. Cheeses to play for awhile. After that Alyssa really wanted some cotton candy, so we made a special trip to Walmart to buy her some. Then we had her party. It was fun! We had dinner, opened presents, had a yummy ice cream cake, and then broke a piñata. Almost all of her aunts, uncles, and cousins came (except the ones that live in California), grandma and grandpa, mom and dad, and even her birthparents came and brought their kids. She loved all of her new toys, didn't care so much for the new clothes, and liked the cherry tomatos best for dinner, I think she ate about 20 of them. She had been begging me all week to do the piñata, so I think she had a really great night! Happy birthday Alyssa, I'm so lucky to have you as my little girl!

FHE

I loved Elder Bednar's talk last conference about being "More Diligent and Concerned at Home." He talked about being consistent with family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. He said that in his family, they would often read scriptures amid outbursts like, "He's touching me!" or "Make him stop looking at me." I had to laugh! It made me feel a lot better to know that I'm not the only one wondering if my children get anything from all the effort I'm putting forth to try to create righteous habits. Well, last week we had an FHE lesson on showing love, and by George, I think they got it!!! The next morning as I was changing the sheets on Holly's bed, she came in and started helping me. She then looked at me and said, "mom, I'm showing you love." Then Alyssa stood up on her bed, spread her arms as far as she could and said, "mom, I love you this much, and I love everyone in the world this much too!" It was adorable. A few days later I purchased some new swimsuits and showed them to the girls. One was pink and one was yellow. I let the girls choose which one they wanted. Alyssa instantly said, "I'll let Holly pick which one she wants." Then she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm being kind." My heart melted. They are such sweet little angels...most of the time, and they actually got something out of FHE. I'm on cloud 9!